When Your Libido Feels Missing in Action: What’s Really Going On
Disclaimer: This blog post is for educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prescribe any condition or supplement. Always consult with your physician or a licensed healthcare provider before beginning any new treatment, especially related to hormone health or sexual function.
What’s Really Going On (and What to Do About It)
You love your family. You’re doing “all the things.” But when it comes to intimacy... you’re just not feeling it.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. We hear a version of this story frequently in session.
At Prosper Counseling, we’ve walked alongside countless women—especially high-capacity moms like you—who’ve silently wondered:
“What happened to me?”
The truth? There’s nothing wrong with you. But your body, mind, and hormones may be waving a white flag. Let’s unpack why—and what you can do about it.
4 Real Reasons Your Libido is Low:
1. Mom Stress Overload
Motherhood is a sacred calling—but also a full-time, emotionally demanding job. You may love many aspects about it, but feel drained in other areas of your life that are equally important to you but find yourself lacking energy. Chronic stress elevates cortisol, which can suppress estrogen and testosterone. Over time, this hormonal shift impacts your body's natural arousal response.
How it shows up:
You're too exhausted for physical affection
You feel "touched out" from tending to kids
Sleep-deprivation and decision fatigue cloud your emotional bandwidth
Stress hijacks your body’s ability to relax, focus, and be present. And when your nervous system is in fight-or-flight mode, arousal isn't even on the radar.
Backed by research:
Chronic stress can reduce sex hormone production in women (Women's Health Network)
2. Hormonal Fluctuations
From postpartum dips to perimenopausal changes, hormone imbalance is one of the most common (and least talked about) libido killers.
What causes it:
Post-baby estrogen/progesterone drops
Perimenopausal shifts in testosterone
Cycle phase mood and energy swings
Even small shifts in hormone levels can lead to vaginal dryness, reduced sensitivity, and emotional changes—all of which dampen desire.
After giving birth, a woman can feel completely detached from her body. A hormone panel may help reveal issues like low testosterone—which is a common issue that often goes untreated.
3. Postpartum & Parenting Burnout
You’re not just physically tired. You’re emotionally exhausted. Sleepless nights, constant caregiving, and not enough time for yourself all add up.
Signs you’re in burnout:
Numbness or disconnection from your body
Overwhelm with no time for pleasure
Resentment or irritability toward your partner
Burnout affects the brain's ability to release dopamine and oxytocin—neurochemicals tied to motivation and bonding.
Faith insight: Even Jesus took time to rest and replenish. You, too, are allowed to pause and ask for what you need.
4. Mental Load & Emotional Fatigue
As a mom, your brain runs 24/7. From meal planning to managing emotions (yours and everyone else's), it’s no wonder your mind has trouble switching into intimacy mode.
The mental load impacts libido by:
Reducing spontaneity and playfulness
Triggering anxiety or intrusive thoughts
Overloading your cognitive and emotional reserves
Therapist tip: You can’t feel desire when you’re managing 30 tabs in your head. Emotional space and small acts of self-care create physical responsiveness.
Natural Libido Support: Women’s Health Network Supplement Insights
While no supplement is a silver bullet, certain herbal and nutritional supports can gently help balance hormones, improve blood flow, and restore mood and energy.
💊 Arginelle (L-Arginine + Botanicals)
Increase bloodflow of oxygenated blood
Libido benefit: Enhanced responsiveness and pleasure
You can also find L-Arginine in high-protein food sources such as red meat, poultry, fish, and dairy.
💊 Hormonal Libido Support Combo (Ashwagandha + Chasteberry)
Ashwagandha lowers cortisol and boosts energy
Chasteberry (Vitex) helps balance estrogen/progesterone
Supports PMS mood and hormonal mood swings
Libido benefit: Supports desire and sensitivity
Mental benefit: Stabilizes mood and reduces anxiety
💊 Maca Root + Fenugreek
Maca supports adrenal health, energy, and hormone regulation
Fenugreek boosts testosterone and arousal in women
Libido benefit: Greater desire and stamina
Mental benefit: Improved mood and resilience
📃 Further Reading from Women's Health Network
Mental Health Strategies for Rediscovering Intimacy
1. Create "White Space" in Your Day
No screens. No schedules. Just 20 minutes of quiet. Use it to:
Stretch for 10 minutes
Go on a walk in the silence. No earbuds. No phone. Notice the difference.
Read a Psalm. These poems and songs are a great way to prioritize space for quiet and stillness.
Sit in silence and just focus on your breathing for 2-3 minutes.
Why it works: Stillness restores your nervous system—and reconnects you with your body.
2. Reframe "Mom Guilt"
Self-care is not selfish. Voicing your needs is not selfish. Learning to communicate is helpful ways is needed. Healthy moms model:
Emotional honesty with yourself and spouse. Being clear is kindest.
Boundaries that support you can still demonstrate love toward the other.
Joyful marriage that priortizes self, spouse, and children. Marriage is a two way street and sometimes it is complicated, but that doesn’t mean it can’t improve.
Try this affirmation:
"I am allowed to want connection, a break, and pleasure. God created me for wholeness, and that means considering and caring for all the complex parts of me.”
3. Look for Other Ways to Connect with Your Spouse:
Start with non-sexual touch. In our counseling sessions and intensives, we spend time going over the 12 stages that build up toward physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is just ONE way and ONE stage of being connected to your partner.
Hand-holding
Couch Cuddling
Long hugs
Back rubs
This builds:
Emotional trust
Oxytocin (bonding hormone)
Safety in your relationship
Opportunity for meaning conversation and emotional connection
4. Track Patterns, Not Just Problems
Start a simple journal for:
Sleep, mood, and cycle phases
Supplement use and emotional energy
Libido patterns
Or use your journal to simply write out thoughts and feelings! Journaling has many excellent mental health benefits.
Review weekly: Look for trends without judgment. Share with a therapist or partner.
Final Word
Low libido isn’t a flaw. It’s a signal. It’s also important to remember that our libido is on a spectrum that is impacted by environment, life stage, and stressors.
What one person thinks is a high libido another may think is low, and vice versa. Don’t fall into the comparison trap of things you’ve heard from others, social media, or other places. I am firm believer conversations on your intimacy and libido are meant only for you and your spouse.
If you are seeking advice from others who are not your spouse, don’t be surprised if it creates hurt, mistrust, or betrayal. These topics are tender and sensitive and you should turn toward your spouse on these issues when in a safe and loving relationship. Seek out counseling (a therapist trained in this specialty, and bound to confidentiality; not your friend’s group thread) to help you learn tools on how to navigate these conversations, and build a plan together for navigating what can be a delicate subject.
Stress, hormone shifts, and emotional fatigue can block your body’s natural desire for intimacy. But when you tend to your mind, spirit, and body with curiosity and compassion, desire often returns.
At Prosper Counseling, we help women navigate this sacred space of reconnection. Therapy here is rooted in Scripture, backed by neuroscience, and anchored in your lived experience.
Book a free consult. You don’t have to face life’s challenges alone—we’ll walk this journey with you, woman to woman or therapist to couple!
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”
-Ann Landers
Build intimacy and emotional connection together as a couple!
Couples Counseling and Couple Intensives available. In the complimentary consult, we determine what best fits your unique situation.
👇 Click below to schedule.
Prosper Counseling serves clients in Kansas and Missouri; including major metros Kansas City metro area, The Ozarks, Springfield, MO, St. Louis, MO and beyond. Coaching is available to those outside of these two states.
Learn more about couples counseling, couples coaching, couples communication, strengthening bonds and building trust in relationships, high-functioning anxiety, relationships, trauma in marriage, or women’s mental health,
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